If I was a porn star

If I was a porn star I'd straddle the world

And shock the censors so their hair curled

The highest shelves would sag and groan

Under the weight of my name alone

 

If I was a porn star I'd be triple x-rated

With breathless gasps anticipated

My diaries would top the bestseller lists

And I'd be banned by the Calvinists

 

If I was a porn star there would be toys

For the girls, and for the boys

Sold in every back-street store

They'd clear the shelves and wail for more

 

If I was a porn star I would be renowned

For being the very best around

And when I retired the folks would weep

Crying themselves every night to sleep

 

If I was a porn star

 

 

 

The End

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