If I was in a horror movie
I would be as smart as I could be.
I would learn from those who’ve gone before,
My insides would not become décor.
I would never agree to split up,
Nor shag the hottie with the D cup -
We all know that unsafe sex can kill
But it really upsets Chainsaw Bill.
I would not check out that spooky noise,
I would run like hell from moving toys,
I would not run up the bloody stairs,
I would run to the cops – forget prayers!
My phone would work, my light never dim,
If Bill had rope tied around his limbs
I would be gone before the rope gives.
In short: I would be the guy who lives.