'And in the darkest moments, even your shadow leaves you.'
If I should meet someone like me, I want to be able to abandon my fears and cautions and approach them, ask their name, become their friend. I want to open up their mind and dissect it so I, a young girl told by society to be too young and also too old for fun, can understand them. I want to look into their eyes and see my grief reflected in them, to be able to relate to them so easily it will feel as if we’ve known each other a lifetime. I want to hold their hands and tell them everything’s okay, everything’s fine. I want to tell them about my life in return for them to tell me about theirs. I want to show them the moonrise and take them deep in the country where the stars shine so brilliantly and name the constellations my dad taught me to recognise. I want to smile at them with the strongest smile I can manage, and hug them tightly when the days get dark and even their shadow has left in search of light. I want to tell them that the marks they carve into their skin won’t take away the pain they feel inside their broken heart, that another shower won’t wash away the sadness. I want to pick up the phone at two in the morning when they’re close to the edge and sit up all night, or morning, to talk to them and calm them down. I want to bring them to my house and show them my family that, although very loving, haven’t been the most supportive. I want to show them my cat, because he chases his own tail and that’s one thing that always makes me smile. I want to sit them down and explain to them that people really do care, that destroying themselves would never ever end the pain. I want to tell them that starving themselves only feeds their demons, and purging makes your breath smell. I want to prove to them that there is hope; there is a light, and my god you must keep fighting because you have been given this life for a reason and that’s because you are strong enough to live it. I want to play piano to them and teach them too, or, if they already know, play with them, because there’s nothing quite as beautiful as two broken people creating a masterpiece. I want to play video games with them, remind them what it feels like to laugh again, to smile again, and I want to mean enough to them so that I can be their reason to stay. I want to make them feel beautiful.
I want to meet someone like me to help get out of the darkness, because no one helped me when I was ready to die too.