nah, not a boy or a girl. doom, that's what i am

i'm being pissy yet again
agh

i guess. 

that's really the only response i have. 

"i guess" i have a gender. 
yes, i look a hell of a lot like a girl, 
but i'm... not?

god, this sounds stupid. 

i identify as genderqueer, non-binary. 
i generally prefer to go without a specific label, 
but 'agender' fits best. 

and i prefer the pronouns they/them.

sometimes i feel feminine, 
most of the time i feel masculine, 
but almost all of my life i spend in-between. 

so i don't know. 
i just know that whoever i am, it's not this. 

i'm tired of having to wear dresses every time 
my mother has parties. 

funny how we're raised with the constant
weight of makeup and tightness of fabric around our waists, 
but nobody would ever consider taking me suit shopping. 

i'm just saying 
that there's a reason i continue to 
resist both my mother and sister's offers of makeup. 

i'm not "indie", not "eccentric", 
not whatever other stereotype you can pile on, 
i'm just me. whatever that is. 

and i get that you don't get this, 
but i thought that was alright. 

it's not. 

The End

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