I Use To Think

I loved you once, and it carried with me for years, but my heart grew and learned to move on, through the pain and sorrow, and towards a passion of greater worth and value-

I always think that being alone isn't so bad,
That maybe my life could be a little bluer than grey and sad.
That I would not have to continuously be let down by you,
But even now that remains very true,
As the image of the man I fell in love with floats around in my thoughts, uncontrolled, non-stop.
Shifting, changing images of how we were,
That once made our wings spread as we soar.

No matter how much I try,
My heart will not lie.
I use to think, that now that your gone,
And left me to walk in a world on my own,
That just maybe, in the beginning I was wrong.
Looking at you, but not seeing, what's behind a closed door,
That lies within it, words to deceive, and so much more.
I just did not want to believe you could be saying I love you each day,
To, the next, saying goodbye with no other words to say.

I use to think, that someone like me,
Could have a life shared with a love that made me all I could be.
And made me feel just as special as another.
And never a nuisance or a bother.
If anything, a love that made my heart beat a little faster and my happiness grow even higher.
I use to think, that there was something like that for me out there.
And maybe...someone did care.
But as I go, I see you in my thoughts almost every day and night,
Its a struggle, a fight,
That my heart wages war with my mind,
The heart saying its still in love and my mind answers there's always something more to find,
Than a love that was full of lies and heartache.
Because everyone has a limit, there's so much one can stand, take.

I used to think, that I will always be alone and in the dark.
And as I look into the smiling faces of couples walking along the street,
My heart just misses a beat,
And the sadness hits like a cosmic blast,
A pain in my chest that continues to last,
At the realization that, that was once us,
Laughing and holding hands,
As you took your fingers to run in my black long strands.
With eyes as blue as sapphire orbs and sparkle when the sun hits them just right,
In the never-ending, beautiful light.
Hair as brown as dirt,
And to think that, I will never know the feeling of your touch, to this day, hurt.

I used to think, that I could move on and forget,
Knowing that you left without any amount of remorse or regret,
That the breaking of my heart didn't even make you blink an eye,
Nor when I broke down in sobs, how I would cry,
Asking someone, anyone, why.
I used to think, maybe it was because there was something wrong with who I am,
That you saw me as a weak, frail lamb,
And not a strong women who you could adore,
One who you knew you would always fight for.
I used to think, I didn't deserve you,
And that you thought that to,
But that was in the past,
And, my love for you, it may have not ended fast but...

I used to think, not anymore.
Now I know.
That I didn't lose something rare,
Or beautiful and fair,
But that you lost someone who stood at your side,
Through your treachery and lies,
And though I am not a shinning star,
I knew that if I continue to strive for my dream, that I was gonna go far.
I ain't a pearl of high value,
But then again, neither were you,
What I was, was a women with passion that reached a high,
That never gave up but always gave it another try.
Even when I knew you didn't want to be with me any longer,
In the past that made me weaker,
Well my wisdom and stubbornness made me stronger.

I use to think, I couldn't live in a world were you did not exist,
Used to it was a chance I didn't want to put at a risk,
But now, I see I don't need you here,
Because I don't have anything to fear.
I use to think, I would love you till days end,
Now, I think I was a fool to ever consider,
That it would be forever, sweet and not bitter.
Only to being woken up to a new light,
Of how pointless it was to fight,
So used to,
Is exactly how it should be,
When here and now is what I see.

The End

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