you know what i think is the saddest part about death? while the long nights struggling over what you could have done for the person who took their own life, the tears you have cried, the inner agonies you can’t tell anyone, your own battles with death, the darkest grieving that can’t be put into words are one of the worst pains a human being can endure, i don’t think that’s the worst part.
that’s a selfish part of you. you are no longer thinking about the deceased but about what you are feeling and how you will continue on the rest of your given lifespan without said person.
i think the saddest aspect of death is that the person who took themselves from this earth prematurely abrupted their life before their time.
every person they were supposed to help, every encouraging word, every dollar they were supposed to give to a random beggar, every hug, every kiss, everything is gone. how many more lives will be impacted from that? how many people will feel a small or large hole in their hearts, how many people who were supposed to be kissed will live their entire lives wishing for the kiss of a dead man/woman?
every dream, every inspiration the dead person was supposed to have fulfilled has died. they will never be accomplished to the par of excellence of that person. perhaps the spark of inspiration that would have gotten man into inner space has been killed off by an untimely death. what are we missing? we have fragments and spaces in our earth that were supposed to be filled but have been halted.
with the death of a human being, comes the death of a God-given mind, heart, and soul. that soul has ceased to be able to impact our world. that soul will not think, say, write, or sing ever again on this earth. no one on this world will ever hear that voice again, nothing new can come from the deceased. you can only look back on past images, and image new images for the future, dreaming of what could have been.
that person will no longer laugh. that person will no longer cry. that person has given up, that person has caved in. what thoughts have they only thought, what words have they spoken into the darkness none will ever know about now that they are gone? what inner battles, what struggles had they come through that have now died with them? what stories of days long past, what victories could they have shared? but they have given up, given in.
i could define suicide as so many different things. fearful. hurtful. painful. horrid. personal. one person kills themselves every forty-seconds. imagine someone you love, someone you care deeply about, just another forty-second mark. imagine yourself, just another statistic. just another “tragedy” as everyone says. just another death on the suicide toll. another shot of a gun, another bottle of pills downed, another slow and painful death.
so many people crying. so many people hurting because one person couldn’t continue on. they didn’t have hope. they couldn’t cope. they couldn’t fight any longer.
i’m just another statistic. just another child from a divorced home, just another fatherless child, just another child who has been crushed by suicide. just another child that has cried herself to sleep way to many times. just another child that has been reduced to practically nothing because of what has happened in her life. just another child fighting her own demons. just another child fighting the demons that try to attack her just as they did her father. but the difference between the father and the daughter is that the demons will not conquer the daughter.
the daughter has understood something that took years for her father to learn. she has gathered courage to continue and live on with the help of her God. the Almighty Father who will never leave. He sets her apart from a statistic, He sets her apart from the pain, He takes the burdens for her.
she’s different, this daughter. you could look at her entire life and see how much life has tried to beat her up. she fights every single day to put a smile on her face. some days it’s easier, some day’s it’s not. it seems like from childhood the demons have tried to stop her. but you would also see her fighting, see her conquering. you would see how she has chosen freedom, see how she has chosen life. you will see how she has seen that life……can indeed be and is beautiful. how beautiful every human soul is, how beautiful we all are, no matter what you think. how special and important to this planet every God placed soul is. how God has a plan individually for her life.
see how she has trusted in the one who will never leave her. The one who will never count her unworthy to live for, but rather count her worthy to die for.