feelings in penMature

alone.
feeling so alone.
plastering on a smile
to hide the blistering pain inside.

fearful.
feeling so fearful.
jumps resound through my body
hiding the panic attack racing through my mind.

guilty.
feeling so guilty.
the scars on my heart
begging to be let out onto my body.

desperate.
feeling so desperate.
pacing 'round the room
hands shaking from sheer exasperation.

tired.
feeling so tired.
sleeping in bed all day from exhaustion
just to escape living twenty-four hours through.

hidden.
feeling so hidden.
placing the pain inside my heart
deep inside, nobody will see what lay within.

confused.
feeling so confused.
questions in my mind like never before
but not having a soul that knows the answers.

hated.
feeling so hated.
not only from others,
but my own self-hatred torturously eats me away.

abandon.
feeling so abandon.
by both the first man i ever loved
but also by the only man i will eternally love.

"Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?" 

The End

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