I Keep the Melancholy

Not that this happened recently or anything.

I Keep the Melancholy

Let me just say,
it was a bad day.

I was surrounded by people who didn't know me, coerced by society into making it seem like everything was okay. The dreariness of the season was getting to me, like the raindrops soaking through my jacket and lacing my shivering skin.

[And then, you walked by.]

Crazy how I see you smile, and then, to my dismay -
I can't wipe that silly grin off my own face.

I made a great effort to keep from appearing too jolly -
After all, one smile shouldn't dash a month's worth of melancholy,
but my very soul danced, the moment you saw me.

And I know it's stupid, that it shouldn't have made a difference in my self-esteem when you deemed me worthy of striking up a conversation with, but you honestly made my soul feel lovely. Far lovelier than the swiftly-changing autumn leaves, yes - you make those leaves seem like child's scribbles on the pieces of scratch paper that used to lie randomly around my house.

[Goodness, how can people look at you and say there is no God? What I mean is, something as beautiful as you couldn't have happened by chance.]

But here is the truth,
Something I'd never admit to you
Something so hypocritical that I squirm in my shoes -
Yet in hiding the truth, there is no use.

The truest sentences I'll write all day:

After seeing you, I try to keep the melancholy, to find reasons to convince myself I'm still as sad as I was before I saw you.

I can't let myself admit that just one glimpse of you makes the day more bearable, because - what are the implications of that?

And look, my "truest sentences" ended with a question.

The End

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