it's not quite that i think i'd be capable of killing myself,
not to put it so crudely.
but it's more that everyone else wouldn't
constantly stare at the barrel of their gun and
imagine how it would feel pressed against their foreheads.
yes, i have beaten depression.
but it's not something that goes away -
it sinks into your skin,
and even when you recover,
sometimes you just seep sadness.
i guess i'm used to it,
but suicidal thoughts
aren't exactly a societal norm.
and though i suppose shooting someone else
would be preferable to shooting myself,
i think i'd really just rather not have the option at all.
yes, i come from a line of army men,
but i also come from a line of sad women.
to be completely honest,
i prefer the first from the second.