I'm still not certain what inspired this, but it's one of the many poems where the first line I write ends up somewhere in the middle.
with a fire in my throat.
I’d been holding back tears
even in my sleep
and the rawness of my dream
was mirrored in my flesh.
My heart burned,
corrosive, with the longings
I could find no way to express.
Desire made me tongueless
though what I needed most
was to scream until my soul was quiet.
had been empty, just a void
devoid of space; lacking
yet so full of what I might
have been had I cared to attempt
to become it.
[I couldn’t try. Not without you.]
I hadn’t known,
hadn’t believed I could need
the way I need you. A whole
body and being sort of necessity where
I don’t feel myself if you
aren’t there to see me.
You don’t make
me complete. You aren’t truly
essential to my life the way air is.
But you are a need I choose like some
people choose to give birth—to see
So when you
were not in that dream and I felt
nothing without you, I knew it was wrong.
And once resolved to love you all the more
for your presence, not the lack of,
I slept in peace.