I Am Two

I walk alone through these dark streets. Not a single sound but the beat of my heart. The chill of a winter night still nips at my pores and my breath is frozen in time as it seeps from my throat. My thoughts wonder as what would happen if I just lay on the road and waited for the glaring lights of a car to consume me. I watch as a street lamp flickers making the shadows of the night dance. The sidewalk seems to become smaller as a walk but I don’t even spend the moment to care. The cracks of the concrete seem to interest me in a strange way. I lick my lips only to taste the savoring flavor of my good friend vodka. It calms me for a moment until I notice my craving for another sip…another glass…another bottle. My tongue twitches behind my lips as my mind swarms with all my thoughts, mostly all I don’t need to hear. My mind is tricky little bugger, it fills itself with enough useless crap so that it forgets about what is really important. I sit down on a bench only to feel the sharp bite of the cold steel to my skin. Its amazing how my anger can disappear at the one time I think that’s the only thing I can feel. I crave for a sweet, evil puff of a joint or just to inhale the seducing smoke of hell. Sometimes it scares me how I can believe that the worst of drugs…are the best for me, and that the normal cigarette is an evil bastard. I crave the beautiful sting of crank and the calming hug of cannabis. I look to the streets only to be scared out of my mind by the beep of my freaking watch. I look down and as my eyes finally focus onto the onyx numbers that blink midnight. For that single moment I wonder if I feel the eyes of another across my back. I feel as if I wasn’t the only one to hear the ear-bursting beep of my watch. As I get up only to continue walking I find myself confused at the darkness and the silence that engulfs me. I feel so alone and just wish one single friend could follow me and embrace my loneliness with a smile instead of my tortured mind telling me to cry. My mind surges impulses to let my blood flow, if even for a single second. It screams at me to find a way and it whispers in my ear that even I know that it will help. The maroon wine that flows from my wrists seems to entrance my mind. I am one moment away from acting on it but I scream for it to silence itself. I scream to unleash the pain that I feel and my impulse burns away. I know it will be back, but I will be ready. I fling the back door open and climb the (what seems like) endless staircase. I breath hard and my lungs burn. I search my pockets for the keys and finally find them as I scar my leg once again trying to remove them. I enter as quiet as a mouse and turn to the hall. Its walls covered in mirrors. I stare into one as I suck upon my burnt thumb from earlier. I notice as my reflection has its hands at his sides, and no band-aid upon its thumb as mine. I see a single tear run down its face and check my own to find it dry as a bone. Poor Lucas, as I sigh, its Luke now. I watch as my reflection whimpers and I grin evilly to my own pleasure. I look him in the eyes and whisper those unforgivable words into the crimson-silver mirror. “I never really liked you.” With one single swing of my arm I slam against the fragile metal and shatter it into a million pieces. I breath deeply and whisper my goodbyes. I shatter my other side, my old friend, my enemy, my past, my twin…now gone. Two sides now leaves only one. A once split soul now full and in total control. I lick my now bleeding hand and nick off a single drop of my blood…his blood. I turn and walk to bed, lay myself upon it and fall back into a fast sleep. Bringing myself back down deep into my nightmares and even though as I scream into my dreams, I smile. “Goodnight…”.

The End

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