How To Say This

How do I say this?
The words are jumbled inside
So they'll be jumbled as they spill from my pen
I ask forgiveness now
For the mess of thoughts to come

The things I feel throughout the day
They scare me like nothing else
They cause such physical pain
I want to clutch my chest
Doubled over from the pain I feel

It's always my heart
That bleeds restlessly in my chest
I can't stop it...
Is there nothing to plug these wounds?

It comes in different intensities
From dull to ache to stabbing
Not always present, thank you God,
But always right-around-the-corner threatening

I like to believe that you help
That you cure this endless suffering
But there are times I'm unsure
Times the pain is caused by you
But then, a relationship is give and take

There are times worse than others
And I finally decided to seek out a cure
So I abandoned the things that hurt
Only to find more pain

Now I'm back to the lesser of two evils
To be with the one I love, hurting from longing
Instead of with another, hurting from missing

But do not be mistaken
You are a very desirable evil
Full of love and care and happiness
A contradiction to the "evil"

You may be far, but I will wait
For the distance is the evil I have chosen
Not the true evil of being alone in a crowded room
'Though that brings me to my next ill

I have this fear, this fear of loneliness
I simply cannot handle to be alone
And I fear I am losing my friends
Even when I am reminded I'm not

But how do I cure this belief
That is seeded deep within my soul
I have tried to change
Yet I remain the same

Please tell me I am yours and you are mine
Just one more time; I crave the reminder
I'm sorry if it gets to be too much for you
I don't know what else to do
But to be told again puts my mind at ease

These thoughts bounce around my head
As I clutch my chest and leak tears from my eyes
What can I do to make it better?
Who will believe me when I tell them?

The End

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