home sick

how can you be home sick

for a home that doesn't not exist?

I so badly want to love here, 

because I should,

because it's better,

but all I can think of is you.

Here we go living our arrogant lives

too good, too cool to talk

so that by the time we do it's not a matter of swallowing pride

but parading how much better off

we are.

I know I'm going to love here,

because it's beautiful,

because it's me,

but right now I miss you so badly,

and I long to swallow my own pride and tears

and reach out to you, despite my fears,

but I won't

because I can't.

It was the last promise to you that I had.

Home sick.

For your loving.

The End

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