I talk to my Granda, who at the age of 83
Still thinks he can funk up the dancefloor
but just makes a fool of me.
This is from a man of 83
And it sounds less crazy coming from me
He looks even older than he is
But for an an apparently mild mannered family man
what did I miss?
Remember he is 83
And this is less strange coming from me.
"To be honest", he begins, "I used to love
"The good old days, when I could rap"
This surprised me too, Keep in mind he's whiter than an albino dove.
And I know my Grandad Eminem he's not
And until that night
The only dance he'd ever done was the robot.
His musical talents, to my knowledge, were slight
Even as I looked at him there
I didn't know he might
Pull out a mic from nowhere,
(It may have been his pants)
And stand on a table making everyone stare
Remember he is 83
And this is less nutty coming from me
If you'd been there you
Would stare too
And then look in wonder and what may Granda' was about to do
"Hey everyone look at me
Hey this is Joe at the age of Eighty three
I tell you I have waited long
To share this here song
Decades have past
Since I performed last
Friends have died
And that's no lie
And now it is my cue
For me to perform for you"
Now keep in mind that these words were not said
As they may have been read
He said them at a hundred miles an hour
Quite excitedly and not exactly dour
And through his dried, prune- like skin
Some happiness had started to settle in
"So let me tell you that I may have not lived in the hood
Not born in a house of ramshackle wood
No Ghettos for me
'Cept the ones I happened to see
While fighting in World War Two
Now there is a fact for you
But my abilities as a rapper are top notch
So why don't you watch
As I can pull rhymes like up or down
I can make rhymes at the speed of sound"
I am, by this point, dumbfounded, slack jawed, shell shocked
My Granda by this point has still not been mocked.
He never fell into rapping cliche
Well apart from some slight leeway
" And that's not all my rhythm too
Cannot ever be bested by you
And if this sounds quite boastful
Or maybe a little bit dull
Please remember I have had
Fifty years practise and I'm not as bad
As the music you kids listen to today
That's all I have to say
We didn't have the shiny iPods where the song is chosen by you
You had to listen to listen to any station you could find, if you managed to"
It had just occured to me, this rap prepared or improv'
I hadn't prevously occured to me, but what the heck I was enjoying it
And so he went on through the night and took an applause as he ended.
"Peace out" He said
And that was the end
"Where'd that come from?" I asked.
"Long story" He replied.