Hayden James

A few days ago, I miscarried my baby. I didn't know the gender, since I was only a few weeks along, but my ex wanted a Hayden and I wanted a boy. So after I found out I lost it, I wrote this is Hayden's memory.

Hayden James, it has a ring to it
It makes my heart jump just to hear it
Since I never got to hear your heart beat
This is as close as I'll ever get and I mean
I wish I could take it back, and I mean it
Because you did nothing to deserve that, and I
Had no right to take away a life I
Was given to care for
And I have love for you
And I don't even know who you are
But I know you're mine, and you are
Everything I've ever wanted
Mommy loves you so much more
Than she ever thought she could
And she's so sorry, baby
I miss you, Baby..
I stayed awake last night thinking of you
Imagining what you looked like, your hair
Your eyes, you had Daddy's
I just know it, because he has beautiful eyes
You had my attitude, and I'd regret it
Years down the road, when you wanted to grow up
And I wouldn't want to let go of you
You had my stubborn will, and you'd have me
And Daddy wrapped around your pinky
You had your Daddy's sweet demeanor
And you'd be his little boy, Hayden James
He always wanted a baby Hayden, you know
I wanted a baby boy, and I got you
I don't know what you were, and I wish I could
Because I'd sacrifice everything, I really would
I'd do everything a good mommy should
And I'm sorry, so sorry, that I didn't
I hope you can see me from your place in Heaven
I want you to read everything I'm writing
Maybe your grandpa can teach you how to read

I tried to come to you, Baby
I took the pills, I made the cuts
I wanted to be with you so badly
Because you're my version of heaven
And now that you're gone, I'm back in Hell
I'd do anything to come see you
Meet you
I wanna be with you, Baby
And I'm crying as I write this, because
I know you don't deserve this
But I'm so sorry, Darling, I'd take it back
If only I could, I guess God isn't gonna share
That must mean you're as perfect as I believe you to be
'Cuz everyone wants the beautiful people
And you're the most beautiful person I've ever known
Because you're my baby, my love
You're mine, and I love you, through everything
I love you, Hayden James.

The End

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