As luck would have it, I died on Halloween.
And to my surprise, I ended up in Heaven.
“Well I’ll be damned!” I shouted. “I was wrong!”
Then I went inside to see what God was doin’.
Boots up on the table, he was laughin’,
His back to me, and a phone propped in his ear.
I cleared my throat and inched a little closer,
He didn’t seem to see, but I could hear...
“...And one was in a ‘sexy viking’ costume!”
The raspy voice was laughing in God’s ear.
“And then! There was a plus-size sexy Dorothy!”
They both guffawed and God knocked over his beer.
“I love this fucking holiday!” barked the Lord.
“My only real day-off!” I heard him tell.
“And I just sit here, countin’ deaths and drinkin’,
And watch you work your ASS off down in Hell!”
Belligerent, the voice I guessed was Satan,
said “Ssh! Hold on, another wreck! I’m countin’...”
“How many?” said God. “How fucking many? Tell me!”
A moment’s pause, then “SIX!” the devil shouted.
The ruckus that ensued was quite contagious,
I laughed with them, like we were normal folk.
God looked up, all curious and confused,
“Trick or Treat?” I said. (awkward joke).
He stared at me, and finally, he asked me,
“It’s Halloween, what are you doing here?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “Don’t you know?”
“That’s weird,” he said, confused. “Just grab a beer.”