Partial ConfessionMature

Partial Confession

On reaching the flat,

To the computer room,

Did we all go,

And with much hesitation,

Did I start to tell them.


I started from seventeen,

Obviously realising,

That in the homophobic culture,

I could not discuss,

My true sexuality.


Besides which,

The build up,

Of rubber bands, belts,

And hot showers,

Was hardly necessary to disclose,

As it was deep in the past,

And possibly,

Over distressing to hear.


I told them how,

I had supported two friends,

In their time of need,

And how these friends,

Had used cutting,

To deal with problems.


I did explain,

The circumstances,

Under which,

I myself had cut,

And why.


My legs shook,

With nervousness,

As I disclosed,

To my loved ones,

My deepest secret.


I also unbutoned my sleeve,

And presented my scars,

Three diagonal ones,

On my upper arm,

And to my enormous relief,

My dad and stepmother,

Did not panic over the past,

Yet believed me,

And heard me out.


My shoulders,

My stepmother did grip,

Throughout my confession.

Though I assured dad,

That months elapsed,

Between each cut,

Dad made me promise,

To stop forever,

And finally with conviction,

Did I put my hand on dad's,

Uttering the words,

"I promise".


I have never,

From that day onwards,

Made a cut,

Besides my stepmother,

Made it clear,

That if I cut again,

She wouldn't speak to me,

And my heart would break,

If I lost her.


I admitted that,

Semanti had known of it,

That I had told her,

The night before,

My eighteenth birthday,

And that I had attempted,

To hide the knives,

After she asked me not to.


I agreed with Aunt Premala,

That hiding the knives,

It was not the answer,

For they were kitchen utensils,

And while I agreed with dad,

That cutting solved nothing,

One thing dad said,

I was disatisfied with.


Dad thought that,

People who cut,

Or attempted suicide,

That they were cowardly.

I said nothing to dad,

But I dispute that,

You cannot be that judgemental,

Without knowing the circumstances,

That drive a person to cut.


Besides I had read of cases,

Where same sex lovers in India,

They committed joint suicides,

Because of their homophobic culture,

Are they cowards?

I believe not.

The End

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