I undo everythingMature

I undo everything

I guess you can imagine,

The panic and chaos,

That this desire of mine,

Once expressed caused.

 

I suppose now, years later,

I can understand why,

Yet at the time, I truly believed,

That my suggestion was best.

 

Ironic really wouldn't you say?

I mean my dad just like me,

Believes in life after death,

So why would dad have a problem,

With my leaving earlier than planned?

 

However, yes, I am glad,

That I didn't act on it,

Though I inevitably lost forever,

The will to live, the drive to live,

Even now, as regards my own life,

I am indifferent I guess.

 

I no longer care,

Whether I live until old age,

Or whether I die tomorrow.

 

A doctor's appointment,

That very day was made,

Where the doctor scared me,

By asking if I heard voices,

And told my mom and dad,

To keep from me all sharp objects.

 

Before mom,

I could hardly tell the truth,

My dad and stepfamily,

I never would betray.

 

The doctor's interference,

Did I deeply resent,

How would riding a horse,

Or keeping a tortoise help?

My dad's words,

That he doctor, he was,

Monitoring my mental health,

Even now do I recall.

 

I knew I nedeed to act fast,

Especially with mom and dad,

Paranoid that I would from them be taken,

One day I went in,

Looking my GP in the eye,

I purposely lied.

 

I retracted what I said,

Just as I did with Semanti,

Pretending I had been mistaken,

Saying what he wanted to hear,

What made it even worse,

Was, that he claimed,

He knew all along I wasn't depressed.