have you ever felt
caged inside your own body
as if your
fingers were not your fingers
your hands not your hands
that what you saw with your eyes
that were not your eyes
was something foreign
and frightening
like you were floating through life
in a state that was
some painful place between
alive and not
have you ever felt

I say cry for me

and you do

your tears glisten

each like a precious gem

tears of joy

I know

you pictured this once in a dream

you craved for it since

my touch

my embrace

you wanted to be my friend

I know

you wanted to grip my hand

and skip alongside me

in a field of sunflowers

I know

and now I touch you

I embrace you

and I smile

smile with me

you should be ecstatic

but you won’t smile

because the gems are cheap plastic

because you caught a glimpse of my face

in a nightmare

because my embrace is hands

on your slim white throat

because I am not your friend

I am a “freak”

because the field of sunflowers is a graveyard

and I’ve dug a hole just for you


I say sing for me

and you hack and gurgle and choke

speak up

you’re capable of exceptional volumes

I know

you woke the dead with your acidic voice

and I think they’ve taken to you

the dead favor beautiful things

clusters of vibrant flowers upon their graves

you are certainly beautiful

like a breakable porcelain doll

and now I am breaking you

because you couldn’t find

a single sliver of beauty in me

because I am a “hideous monster”

because the flowers will wilt and rot and die and become dust

I say sing for me

and you stop breathing

I apologize

I had forgotten

windpipes require air to resonate

to give birth to a melody

forgive me

but I cannot

I refuse

to provide you

a single breath more

the melody died before it could escape your lungs

instead I’ve composed a song myself

and I dedicate it solely to you


“do re mi

I can’t breathe

Rudy’s slowly killing me”


and now music will never again

reach your ears

because the field of sunflowers is a graveyard

and I’ve dug a hole just for you

The End

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