Over Oxygenated BloodMature

it’s so easy to lie at night, 
you write and write 
and you think that’s easier 
than telling the truth 
that you are sick, 
sick of living 
that you wonder 
why you even breathe 
that you are nothing 
but this sack of fucking bones 
how do you move 
how do you exhale 
how do you even fucking think 
when the same thought 
intrudes every fucking time, 
night is when i am so lonely, 
i know that i miss the blood 
flowing down my fucking arm 
god i miss 
wondering if i was dead, 
i miss thinking of how easy 
it might’ve been, 
at night 
i am lonely 
and i am tired 
of so many things 
tired of thinking 
that i am a waste of oxygen 
i am tired of breathing 
i am tired of thinking 
i am tired of the blood 
rushing through my fucking veins, 
it’s easier to lie to myself 
and care about what people would think 
if i were honest 
then they wouldn’t know 
that i’m some sick little person 
that hasn’t let go of these thoughts 
that are killing me, 
ripping me apart, 
muscle to nerve 
and every fucking tendon 
and how easy it is 
to believe every word 
people would say, 
how i deserve 
these things that have happened 
i deserve these nightmares 
i deserve the way i suck myself dry, 
yet i apologize, 
apology after apology 
i’m sorry i’m sad 
i’m sorry i kind of want to die 
i’m sorry i don’t want this oxygen 
to flow through me 
because i think i’m worthless 
and that life is pointless, 
i’m sorry that at night 
when i’m alone 
i let these thoughts take over 
and tear me 
skin to bone 
like fucking razors, 
at night 
i am loneliest 
when i let these fucking things take over, 
when i allow myself to believe 
that it would be right 
and that it wouldn’t fucking matter, 
god am i so sick 
of thinking this shit 
so sick 
of all of these thoughts 
SO SICK 
OF FEELING LIKE DEATH 
WOULD BE BETTER
THAN BREATHING THIS AIR 
WHEN YOU BREATHE IT TOO 
i am sick 
of feeling like i am not enough 
because tonight, 
this fucking changes, 
tonight, 
i let it all go 
like a fucking balloon 
i am not someone 
that is so easily drowned 
in my own blood 
I AM ALIVE 
AND I AM WARM, 
I AM NOT IN A CASKET 
BURIED BENEATH THE GROUND 
I HAVE A SOUL 
THAT BREATHES LOVE 
I AM NOT ALONE ANYMORE 
and i am so fucking ready 
to breathe like i fucking need it 
because now i know i do 
now i know I am not worthless 
that i am worthy of this fucking air 
that no longer feels 
like poison in my lungs, 
to stop lying to myself 
because honesty is better, 
honesty means 
i know that i am not a sack 
of lifeless fucking bones 
that i have purpose, 
that i am not loose blood 
spilt on the fucking tile 
i am so much more 
than what i keep letting myself believe 
and god damn 
will i act like it

The End

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