Feeling Numb

As the title says - I'm feeling numb, as if everything I once loved no longer casts any sort of effect. Who knows?

I’m wrapped in cold and disorientated;

I can’t speak to the world –

And the world merely stares at me

With amber eyes stolen

From a traffic-light system before its time:

‘Wait, and always wait’

Whispers the humming machinery,

Internal organs pumping

Uselessly. I blink

And I disappear:

What point do I have

In being constantly rattled –

Heart against cage? I am afraid.

Voices pound me from the ether –

And what do I believe? –

Indifferent whilst dancing.

My reserves of inken life have dried.

Raking a brownish hand through scraggly hair,

I have lost a love of this;

I care about nothing anymore,

Not voices or ambition or family,

And the talk, it has dimmed.

I used to look at the newborn

Life with purpose, now I see only

Black beings, mixed words,

Trauma disappearing with a side of shots,

Self-medication if there ever stood

Some kind of kill.

I don’t care about anything

But the creatures locked in my mind.

Even when I cry, I cannot sense the real tears.

How can one have a heart

When its differences shield out the world?

Perhaps I’m drugged up on old pop music

And speculative dreams of rich monogamy –

Perhaps I’m afraid of that other pain.

Still, the year might have thwarted

Me, but my memories survives,

By a hanging ligament,

A nostalgic heart,

And the one slice of life taunts:

A twitch of emotion

Directed towards you. 

The End

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