As the title says - I'm feeling numb, as if everything I once loved no longer casts any sort of effect. Who knows?
I’m wrapped in cold and disorientated;
I can’t speak to the world –
And the world merely stares at me
With amber eyes stolen
From a traffic-light system before its time:
‘Wait, and always wait’
Whispers the humming machinery,
Internal organs pumping
Uselessly. I blink
And I disappear:
What point do I have
In being constantly rattled –
Heart against cage? I am afraid.
Voices pound me from the ether –
And what do I believe? –
Indifferent whilst dancing.
My reserves of inken life have dried.
Raking a brownish hand through scraggly hair,
I have lost a love of this;
I care about nothing anymore,
Not voices or ambition or family,
And the talk, it has dimmed.
I used to look at the newborn
Life with purpose, now I see only
Black beings, mixed words,
Trauma disappearing with a side of shots,
Self-medication if there ever stood
Some kind of kill.
I don’t care about anything
But the creatures locked in my mind.
Even when I cry, I cannot sense the real tears.
How can one have a heart
When its differences shield out the world?
Perhaps I’m drugged up on old pop music
And speculative dreams of rich monogamy –
Perhaps I’m afraid of that other pain.
Still, the year might have thwarted
Me, but my memories survives,
By a hanging ligament,
A nostalgic heart,
And the one slice of life taunts:
A twitch of emotion
Directed towards you.