Falling Into Myself

Walking down the street

Hand in hand

We look at each other and smile

He points across the street

To where we first met

And we are flooded with memories

 

Everything is the same

The same dull posters

The same dull walls

The same dull carpeting

The same dull lighting

Yet in both of our hearts, it is the most wonderful place in the world

 

But as I turn to look at his smiling face and sparkling eyes, I realize he isn’t the same

He’s frowning

Lips curled down at the edges, almost snarling with rage

And as I stare in disbelief he rips his hand away from mine and races out the door and back the way we came

 

The tears roll silently down my face as I leave this cozy sanctum

Confusion and anger coursing through my veins

I look everywhere

The library

The school

But I cannot find him

 

So I head home

Discouraged and hurt

Wanting to see him but worried that he’s upset with me for something

 

Mom answers the door with

Tears streaming down her face

She tells me there has been an accident,

Regarding Evan,

And I welcome the blackness that envelopes my head.

 

When I wake I am not sure where I am

But the white walls and metal bed alert me to the fact that I am defiantly not at home

And, uncaringly, I flinch away from the protective embrace of the medication they feed me.

I prefer the pain of my sorrows, bearing down on me and the cold apathy  of myself.

What have I done that is so unforgivable that he would do a thing like this?

What type of feelings would I have needed to instil him that would have driven him to tie that rope around his neck

and fall from the chair

Fall into the dark abyss of silent solitude

 

So as I head home I deliver myself from evil.

Take out the pill bottle

Pour a dozen into my palm and fall into the welcome abyss of silent solitude.

I fall into myself for the last time.

Hopefully.

The End

0 comments about this poem Feed