There’s something I had to learn in a lonely summer,

In sunny electronica’s arcing arpeggios and

Arcade Fire’s aching vocals,

In Kingdom Hearts and StarCraft and

Single-player Serious Sam,

That is tugging at my morals.

There’s something I had to learn in a Term Paper,

In the first few chords of Sufjan Stevens’ singing banjos

That flew from my speakers,

To brush along the sides of my head and

Curl up the edges of my adolescent hair

And narrowly escape my ears

There’s something I had to learn in tea,

In Martin van Buren and the sound that

A Ralph Waldo Emerson essay makes

When you throw it in the trash

Unread, to find company beside

A badly-copied chunk of Billy Budd

There’s something in FlashChat,

In SATs and Illinois(e) and a disappointing Christmas,

In March and May and background noise and

Unmet standards, but sitting here with

A cup of tea, a filled notebook, and Sufjan again,

I don’t quite see it

I think it’s hiding in my mental undergrowth,

And the music that curls around me,

And in the poems and texts that ended

With vague pick-me-ups and wistful speeches from

The friends who I lost pep-talking

Along the way

And I think it’s hiding just out of reach,

In some forsaken Thoreau

Essay where I’ll find jagged piece or two,

Dancing with James Blake’s dirty basslines

And singing about the taste of

Organic black coffee

And I think there’s something I needed in 2010,

But screaming and pushing against it,

I’ll never really know

Exactly what it is

I learned this whole time

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