ears like the sound of drums beating in the distance

it's not that it's bad
it's just that it i could not bear it again

my ears ache 
and my music shuts off 

and a thin frisson of panic 
runs down my spine

electric and terrifying 

i open my door and slam it, 
affirm that i can hear, 
sit down on my bed and curl my face into my knees
open-mouthed dry sobs 

because fear is a powerful thing
and it comes with the scare that i can't hear anymore

just like when i was younger, 
watching the way people speak 
and learning the shape of lips around words 
and doing things based on how others did them

because i couldn't hear the instructions

years of sitting in the front of the classroom
a vain attempt to be able to hear the teacher

and all i want 
is to never lose this again. 

The End

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