do you think that in any other universe we could have made it? because even in my late-night wonderings we never doMature

songs referenced are can't help falling in love and i am the walrus (this line is kind of convoluted, tho)

and yeah, 

maybe i'm a fool for you 
and maybe you make my gut twist like i'm an ice king and you're fire 
but i have never been my sister

and the joker, 
oh, the joker laughs at us

don't you think 

and i was never yours 
you were never mine 
you act like you didn't ever laugh 

at the thought of us 

because i got angry at you for choking on cigarette smoke 
told you you were an asshole and i don't regret it 
but you just twined your fingers into the wisps at the back of my neck 
smiled in the way that means you wouldn't be afraid of hurting me

i hurt too much already 
doubt i'd notice any more pain 

and you always pushed
pushed too hard because you just wanted to watch me break 
can't say i blame you 

and the day you told me you didn't love me 
the day you told me you were a liar 
filtering the words through your teeth like coffee grounds 
i never doubted that for once you were telling the truth 

dirty rotten liar 
you just grinned with teeth stained with lipstick 
and bit out into my skin that damn does the description fit 
left red crescent moons in the skin of my wrist 
fragile and dripping the indents of your fingernails 

i tell myself i don't miss you 
the slide of your cold palm against the hollow of my back 
running your fingers up and down the knobs of my spine 
digging in until it hurts and not stopping when i tell you as such 

and i was raised being told bedtime stories of dysfunctional relationships
but you stopped burning the end of your cigarette and just started burning me instead
and i pressed my objections into your collarbones with dry lips 

i never asked for you to be gentle with me 
i'm not something breakable, a china doll tilted towards love
i'm not stupid, not a dreamer 
didn't ask for love and didn't ask for kindness

so i got you 
with smears of someone else's lipstick on the curve of your neck 
you'd kiss anyone who'd kiss you 
i wasn't anything special and we both knew it 

and the day you scraped your nails, 
bitten to the quick and bleeding, 
down the hill of where my hand meets my wrist 
and left rough, ripped trails beading with color
i smiled and crushed the pain 
crumpled my hands into fists

and you said 
i never loved you anyway 
and i said 
i know 

and that was it 
the end of all things 
you slipped your words from my mouth and left
didn't say anything 

you never even had the decency to say goodbye 
and so i say i don't miss you 
twist it deeper into the column of my throat 
until i don't know if it's truth or falsity anymore 

only fools fall in love. 

The End

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