I wrote this on my notes page on my iPhone so my capitalization and other grammar may not be correct. Thank you for reading.
the pain within will always exceed the happiness outside.
I hold on so tight the minuscule piece of normality I obtain.
where am I going with this.
I scream so loudly but no one can hear.
hear the pain my words reveal.
I pick up your faults to erase mine, momentarily.
I give my only shirt to you, to keep you warm even though I'm freezing.
who will make sure I'm okay.
I'm not okay.
I'll never be.
look into my eyes and see who I am.
see that maybe I can't live anymore.
I'm choking on the pretense that oozes from my body.
do you understand yet?
I'm not clarity.
I'm a blurred message of words you will never decipher.
will you please give me the satisfaction of saying I helped.
maybe I gave you something.
do I mean anything to anyone.
or am I shade that you stand in when you can't take the sun anymore.
am I the emptiness you so desperately try to kick off to find a whole.
I try to hold back what comes but it is a wave that takes over my soul and I can't swim against it.
so I flow with it.