You are not hereMature

At 1:17 am
you are absolutely still in my head
locked in tight
like a vault in a bank.
The taste of you
spilling over my lips
like the mouth of a volcano
your touch
like a fucking bomb exploding.
I feel this is unfair.
I don't like
having you in my head,
it's like a bad aftertaste.
You are there.
I am in love with you.
But you are not here.
You are not here
to light a match on my skin,
there are empty spots,
golden spots
where you had touched them.
You are not here
to kiss space
everywhere you go
my skin is empty
much like the moon.
You are not here
to kiss me
as if I am a fine wine.
my lips are fine.
Not swollen and not raw
but aching for you just the same.
You are not here
to fill the void
in my bed,
in my body.
I am alone,
vacant and silent
like the street;
at 1:23 am.
That is what time it is
as I span my fingers
over every key
in every attempt
to show you
what it is like in this bed
now that you have occupied it;
it was not for long
yet it was long enough
to change it.
It is no longer warm
with your body,
it is empty.
And lifeless.
I started sleeping in the middle;
hoping to change how that felt.
I woke up in my spot.
I woke up looking at what is now your spot.
My arm,
my fingers
Stretched across the sheet,
grasping at this empty spot
bent as if a body were there,
but it is empty.
At 1:26 am
I am lost
in the thought
of crawling into bed with you.
I am lost in the thought
of the playlist I made
"Songs you could make love to"
as if it could make me feel better,
hearing all these songs
that lilt in all the right ways,
with every single song that plays
hardly even filling
It is 1:29 am.
It is dark,
the stars are out;
since your eyes are not open
to draw them in.
You are not here
to claim your spot.
You are not here
to fill in the warmth.
You are not here.

The End

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