Deep as a Secret Nobody Knows

when I first started writing,

I thought about you.

i thought about what you liked

about the way that you wrote

about how I could make myself

as good as you were.

but then I realized

that I shouldn't have to write for anyone else

i write for myself.

and I'll be damned

if there's a time in which that isn't true.

I used to love you.

used to look up at you

and think to myself that I would aspire

to be everything you would want me to be

but I am not yours.

if I want to let my hair out

and allow the earth-colored locks out,

I will. I don't give a crap what you think about it.

i write to keep myself from exploding,

and what you did was take my brain

and hardwire impact patterns into it

and plant IEDs into my soul

and gunpowder into my heart.

and to the end of my days,

i will let my doubt and wish to be what you wanted me to be,

I will allow that to sink to the bottom of my mind,

down and down and down.

until it remains

deep as a secret that nobody knows.

The End

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