i used to dance...but when you lose your only muse, continuing something that requires a determined passion without the fuel....well it isn't easy.
for the first time in nearly five years, i danced like he was there with me- this is what i felt.
I lost you, my muse, a long time ago,
but today I danced-
like really, really, danced- like I used to when you were alive.
Like when you said that I was the most beautiful thing nature had the arrogance to create,
I danced like back when you, faithfully, said that the birds sang their songs just so I could fly on human feet- just so I could fly without wings.
You used to say you could feel the universe falling in love with my movements as I moved among the rooftop's gardens,
and that you could see the wind begging to lift me up to the angels above.
So I danced like I used to when you were dancing with me,
in time and perfectly perfect in a way I could never be,
danced until I could feel you there,there with me.
And that, that scared me more than anything because if you're here with me,
then I can't help but feel that with every breath I take, with every fucking lungful of air that I breathe
that I'm disappointing you beyond belief and it scares me-
God, it fucking scares me.
For every night that I dance with you in my dreams-
my mind's tricks can't numb this ache in my feet,
this ache to move to the beat of a heart's song that's ceased.
I danced today,
for the first time in six fucking years,
and I swear you were there,watching,
Feeling, as the universe fell in love all over again.