dances with nobody

sometimes,

I'd like to dance,

feel the wind in my ears

and the smile on my lips

but I can't.

people watch,

people scorn, and I'm not

really sure if I can deal with that or not.

because I, I am a million different

shades of fractured gray, washed out and

bleeding through, bleeding through

these bandages

and my mother

used to tell me,

in a world where it's always raining,

anxious people walk without an umbrella,

but I don't think that's true. 

there's an umbrella,

oh yes, there's an umbrella

but it's way over in san fransisco,

unaccessable even by the longest train,

in a city of lights and music and people who

have something to live for.

in this world,

you have to learn to dance in the rain,

you can't always wait and huddle inside till the storm passes.

and sometimes you can't avoid

getting wet.

but my shallow heart's

the only thing that's beating,

and I think that perhaps I could learn to 

dance despite eyes on me, malevolent and glaring.

I think that I could dance

with nobody

for the sake of dancing with somebody,

and dance all by myself, and i could learn to dance with myself,

soaking wet and uncaring.

The End

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