confusing as the rising sunMature

sometimes there's
too much of me

fuck, that wasn't the way
i wanted to start this. 

i just - 
i can't connect, 
can't ground myself, 
i'm just floating away 
like a balloon in midday sun

even though i know i have to pop eventually, 
and i know that when i do
i will shut my eyes for the fall
and hope that when i wake
it will all be over

and i know, i know, 
i can't hide from myself forever

but i'm choking on ashes
and staring at my skin
and wondering what pain feels like again

because rain is real
and pain is real
and sometimes the floor is real 

but nothing seems quite like that anymore
so i'll just
scald my back with boiling hot showers

and drink too much tea
and not sleep enough

nothing more than the usual, 
i suppose, 
aside from a shitty repertoire and 
something resembling a heart. 

shit

The End

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