What to Write About You Now?
Hmm… what could I write about you? I can write about how happy you make me. Or maybe about how frustrated I get when there’s nothing I can do to make you feel better. I could always write about how I wonder if I mean as much to you as you do to me.
I can sit here and write about all the things I’d love for us to do together. Then I could laugh thinking about the face you’d put on if I ever actually said that to you. You funny little pervert you.
There’s always the good old fashion, I’ll love you for ever and ever poem but that’s been done. Got to come up with something new. Maybe something that’ll really get you thinking.
Writing about the pain you’ve caused is completely out of the question… or is it? Maybe I could do with some venting right about now.
Does it really matter what I decide to write? Its going to be about you, that’s for sure. Whether its about how utterly amazing you are and all the joy you bring or the frustration you cause, its going to be about you. Just got to pick something.
The time we have together is too short.
The time we spend apart is too long.
The time we have for each other is lacking.
The time we need can’t be found.
Time is a commodity we can’t afford.
Time is the chasm that separates us.
Time is the enemy that can’t be defeated.
Time is the only thing that can’t get moved around.
So much wasted time.
So little time left to enjoy each other.
So hard deciding what time to tell you the truth.
So easy to spend time thinking of you.
So Many Questions
I love him. Or at least I think I do. Maybe I don’t? Maybe I do? How do I tell? How can I know for sure? But how could I possibly love him? I hardly know him. I hardly get to see him. Yet the feeling’s there.
I worry all the time about him. Does that make up for the never getting to see him? He’s always on my mind. Does that count for anything? The only thing I want to do is be with him. To talk to him, to hold his hand, to feel his lips against mine.
The terrible pain of separation. He’s right there, so close, but I just can’t reach. I can’t close the gap between us. What can I do? I can’t build a bridge out of thin air.
Scattered and confused are the best words to describe my thoughts right now. He’s the only consistency.
What’s he doing? Is he thinking about me? Do I matter as much to him as he does to me? Does he really understand how he brightens my dim exsistence? Does he know he’s the reason I make it through my days? Can he see what I truly feel? So many questions, so few answers.
My brain hurts. Its been on over-drive lately thinking. Thinking about how to make “us” work. Thinking about how to fit myself into your schedule. Thinking about all the little things we could do to make it work but how hard we would have to try. Thinking of our parents and what we would need from them, their cooperation. Thinking of all the complications we face. I thought relationships weren’t supposed to get complicated until later on. Not right at the beginning.
I sit here and I think about all the things that are wrong. All the things that stop us from being together and happy. All the obstacles we face. My brain is tired and it hurts but it still has enough left in it to remember.
No matter how exhausted it is, it still finds the strength to make me relive those memories of the few times we were together. Of those few days that we were happy. That no one else mattered and there was nothing to do. Those memories are what keep me going. They are the painkillers for my brain.