Norman the Doorman

Norman the Doorman stood at his post,

As the Hotel Pierre's most genial host,

For fifty-five years he opened the doors,

For kings and queens and high-class whores.


Norman the Doorman treated all guests the same,

He knew them by face, he knew them by name.

He was very discrete in what he would say,

Their scandals, their trysts, within him would stay.


Norman kept his eye on all who went by,

For he was in reality a foreign spy.

He would listen in on their telephone calls,

And he 'd overhear whispers through their hotel walls.


Norman worked at his craft until he was old,

Until the day he came in from the cold.

He came with his secrets, his tapes, and his news,

He came with his cap, his coat, his shiny black shoes.


Everybody did miss old Norman's smile,

The way he would greet them with elegant style,

Who would have guessed that this friendly old guy,

Was a treacherous, lecherous, sinister spy.


So the next time you visit the Hotel Pierre,

You best heed this warning, you best beware.

That man who offers you a helping hand,

Just may be an agent for a foreign land.


Norman the Doorman stood at his post

As the Hotel Pierre's most genial host,

For all those years he lived out his lies,

As double-o-seven in a doorman's disguise.













The End

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