Fummer the Plumber


Sometime last midsummer, young Fummer, a plumber

Was on his way out to a job,

When into his sights came a solitary mummer

Who'd broken away from his mob.


He stopped and he stared, looking dumber and dumber

At this man who stood in his path

Who then raised his hand in a wave at our Fummer

And said,  ''Can you please fix my bath?''


''Why sure!'' replied Fummer, ''For I'm a great plumber,

But please, could you wait for four hours?

I'm expected elsewhere, at the home of Ma Zummer

For the purpose of installing showers.''


He turned his broad back on the face of the mummer;

That  face had a story to tell.

For this was a convict, escaped from the slammer

Where he'd been away for a spell.


''I'll have you know, mate, that I once was a drummer

In a world-famous band from the past.

I'm personal friends with Kate Bush and Joe Strummer

My fame is, let's say, unsurpassed.''


''You'll still have to wait, sir,''  responded the plumber

''For I take great pride in my work.

The lady was first, and my absence would numb her.

This prior job I cannot shirk.''


He turned on his heel and then – Oh, what a bummer -

The musician's rage was so great

He ran to his car, an enormous great Hummer

And squashed Fummer into a gate.


The moral is clear: that there's one rule of thumb-a

Old ladies can wait for a while.

If faced by a maniac, please don't be dumb-a.

Just do as they say, with a smile!

The End

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