Cartwheels in the rain.

This is a poem about, having spent six years with a close friend and watching her find herself, and realising I'd lost myself even before I met her. Seeing her develop into this beautiful, strong person with a cemented faith in herself, her family and religion, and then seeing myself struggling to figure out where I went wrong, and why I didn't turn out like her. Included are reflections on the school where I sat as the only girl in my lessons because I couldn't grasp things as the others could,

Perceiving that child-like upturn of,

the corners of my mouth, thinking

If only I were that tall, to reach,

the branches of those tree's you finally climbed

Stretching, toward the sun. 

Struggling to articulate, watching

You cartwheel in the rain, so free from,

All these binding tatty ribbons that secure me.

Speak in clear tones as your eyes alight with, 

the strength in your convictions, leave,

the sinner to the cold looks passed stair to stair,

For no matter how I arch my back so,

Like that, Like this, Just so,

I'm digging into the mud to reach the home,

that lies beneath the beauty I never knew how to view

Engage with me as you dazzle, and spin

A crystal in the window of the room I used,

to be taught in, spin and shine as you watch,

Where a young girl struggled with plain numbers,

Please, please, understand how I wished I could break 6,7 and 9

As I fumbled with making friends and failed to tell the time

If I had been where you were, do you think,

I'd be staring at the stars? 

Wishing on dandelions? 

Singing, no matter who heard, the cry's 

the praise, not pain that spilled from your lips,

So sure of themselves as they preached to a person who,

was lost long before she came to know you,

Perceiving that child-like upturn of,

the corners of my mouth, thinking

What If I could be like you, so unafraid, 

As you dance past the devil that waits, hates, as you,

Handstand in the multi spectrum lens of my camera,

As the sun beats down on our backs, working uphill to,

face our troubles which are so evidently dissimilar,

Me, tearing tattered ribbons from my lips, you 

grasping out for things just beyond your fingertips, Us 

growing into people I never knew we'd be, heading along, 

roads that don't meet.

Perceiving that child-like upturn of,

the corners of my mouth, thinking

I know I must be evil, wishing I could swap paths with you

when you are earning white ribbons and love, when,

I am drilling into the wet earth as though, I'm eager,

To meet the manipulator of my nightmares, and

Of my life, In which, I push and fall, shove and descend,

Without wishing to take part in either, Yet,

'I will show you fear in a handful of dust' 

Tells me, I am nothing, but ash and time spent, wasted 

Tells me, You are everything, I prayed I could be, 

As I sat and counted times tables on my chubby fingers,

prayed to be someone just like you, 

Prayed to do cartwheels in the rain, 

Climb the highest tree's,

Stretch toward the sun, 

To dazzle, and spin, 

To stare at the stars,

Wish on dandelions, 

Sing praises with my lips, 

Dance past the devil,

Handstand in the multi spectrum lens of my mothers camera, 

Stride among azure tree's collecting diamonds.

Listening to your voice echo down to me from,

somewhere distant, and safe from harm.

Perceiving that child-like upturn of,

the corners of my mouth, thinking

this is all I am.

The End

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