broken bodyMature

my love of doctors and how I felt for 4 yrs daily

You laugh and play

When I have nothing left to say

What can I do when my nerves fracture and break

To you this is nothing just another case of crazy

It's in my head, in my head is all you can say

Yet it was all I need to break and burn

I dig that splendid knife into the table imagine it's me

Oh yes you brought out something unstable

I laugh, I laugh as all I want to do is die

Oh when I can't even move

You check my pulse everything is always okay

Oh I am so okay I could die

Don't stare at me that way

I don't want my fix

I just want something to be wrong

I cry!

As my nerves being to split and crack

Dear god let this be it!

Doctor do you see me?

Doctor can you help this wounded girl?

Nothings wrong your voice so joyous

I want to take out all your hinges

Last night I bashed the bones in my hand

It helped with the pain

One hour never passed so fast

You talk behind my back saying she always comes back for more

I never did

Have you seen me scream? not so pretty now

Yes I check out as healthy

Yet my nerves are out to kill me

You give me pills

Like I can be fixed by a bottle, like I am not seriously ill

Oh doctor, is there no one like me?

Ripley's would love me

Don't give me that look oh doctor

I look sick

Pale pale pale

My body shakes

My pulse 98 sometimes 104

Oh I am so okay

The tests said so

I am not depressed

Just how do you smile when your body's nerves cut into you?

suicide never sounded so good

Don't let me wake this night

Oh doctor please shut the fuck up

I know I am "fine" but I am not "well"

Don't call me insane just because I am different I am new

New diseases never look pretty in writing

Oh doctor

see my broken body?

ain't it grand?

I love when you smile

and say nothing is wrong

I am less important then the patients with something "wrong" I am just odd

No so great when you can't figure me out

So I must be insignificant

I must be

Broken.

The End

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