you are purple because it is obnoxious
just like you.
people don't like you
they don't like your bow, your tricked-up arrows
singular loyalty to two people
but you don't have a family
you just have kate bishop, a namesake you don't know how to pass on
your handler and your partner
fire and control in turn
and after the blue,
the coldness of loki in your head
you don't know who to trust anymore
you don't know how to be accountable for something you did, didn't do
sometimes you can hear his voice in your head and you shudder
the one thing you have always valued is your autonomy
after barney, after the circus
your parents gone and your older brother the way he always was
a scoundrel, a thief, you were too but you were never him
(it takes you years to convince yourself of that)
(sometimes late at night you can see his face)
and then there was trickshot,
and blood and death and you learned how to survive
soft people don't make it
you have ragged edges and calloused hands
and sometimes when you look at kate you think that you've failed her with your legacy
but you think that there is still some kindness left inside you
far down where the light doesn't reach
and you, you are deaf
deaf but not stupid,
even though they treat you like a child
or just mock you
when they see the hearing aids
and s.h.i.e.l.d. gave you structure
gave you missions and a target
and then s.h.i.e.l.d. was gone.
and they were bad
does that mean that you're bad too?
you don't know.
everyone you love dies or leaves you.
sometimes you think the world would be better off if you just didn't love at all.