A musky incense haunts the air,
clinging to my lungs like a thick veil.
Outside, wind chimes sing a secret chaos;
the wind whispers dangerous liaisons.
My hand graces the smooth wall,
painted in a colour that I am forbidden to know,
My fingers caress the frame,
of an image that I am forbidden to cherish,
My memories are fleeting, none are captured moments.
As I pass a threshold,
I feel the different atmosphere of my surroundings,
Secret perfumes no longer capture the air particles,
I shrug off the weight of external sounds,
I replace them with the spattering voice of water.
I remove my attire.
My slim fingers work at the zip at my back,
The dress I had worn to dinner, fell,
like a silky waterfall, down my body…
My friends told me I looked ‘stunning’,
I suppose I will never know for sure.
I can feel the heat of steam lurch in the air, pulsing towards me,
I can taste the smells of mandarin scented shampoo on my tongue,
I can sense the man I love, just feet away,
I can’t hear him, can’t feel him, can’t taste or smell him,
I certainly can’t see him.
But I know he is there.
I step out from my clothing,
lifting my feet high enough to ensure I don’t trip,
I feel somewhat clumsy as I reach out,
searching for the edge of the bath.
Once found, I step in, treading carefully.
Cold, my feet feel cold against the enamel surface,
Slightly damp where the water has spattered, kissing the floor.
I feel the rain drop caress of water,
tiny lucid pebbles crashing against my body.
Outside, the wind is strong, it whispers of ethereal liaisons.
I step further forward into the haphazard crystalline crush of water,
My naked body feels the stroke of the beady globules.
I smell the thick manly scent, strong cologne poisoning the air,
Slowly washed away under the tides that crash over him,
And for a second I remember our honeymoon,
The smell drives into me...
His signature scent meshed wonderfully together with sea salt.
My hand now on his chest,
I feel him solid and strong beneath my fingers, my palm,
My nails press back as I dig into him slightly;
I express my need for him, my need to be protected.
His strong arms curve around me,
He holds me close,
One hand at the base of my back, strong, firm,
One gently cradling the back of my head,
My hair falling between his fingers,
Strands tickling my shoulder blades slightly.
I tilt my head back, I search for his lips,
I search for his breath colliding against mine,
Struggling somewhere in the middle like the final flight of a butterfly,
Aquatic beads blast against us, his skin so soft and silky in the water,
I taste him,
I feel him,
I smell him,
I love him.
But something is wrong,
I feel him being slowly washed away,
His scent dissipating,
His touch fading,
His taste, left lingering, drab against my tongue,
I still love him, I still love him.
My memory is fleeting,
Strangling the last drops of memory from his old work shirt,
His old bottle of cologne,
This incense reminds me…
Ever since the day,
Smells of gasoline and burning,
shattered glass spewed into my eyes,
Ever since the car crash,
I can tell he won’t even look at me.
I can’t see it,
But I can sense it.