april fool's

it was April Fool's day.

Your band was playing.

I sat in the audience, watching you on the stage

singing "I won't go."

my heart ached.

You sat next to me, I drew spirals

on your back,

but your hand was limp

in my grasp.

As the people pooled out of the theatre,

onto the street, I saw you talking to her,

and felt dejected, lonely.

Finally, you found me, took me by the wrist,

led me outside into the dark

of the back parking lot.

The rain was falling softly.

You couldn't meet my eyes.

"I'm not happy with you in my life."

I stood there, stunned, numbed.

"You need to change.  I don't want to be this way."

And you stepped back.

While I just stood there, a million thoughts

burbling through my mind.

I can change, I can make you happy, we still have time.

Instead, all I said was

"Just tell me this is an April Fool's joke,

tell me you love me, that you don't want me to go, 

that you never want me to walk a road

you can't follow."

and I grabbed you, clung to your soaked skin,

pressed my lips to yours,

anything to take away the reality setting in.

And you held me back, and kissed me,

and then forced my face away from yours.

You didn't have to apologize, or say it was over.

I walked home barefoot

through puddles that night.

Oiled streets glistening beneath the lights.

I longed for them to swallow me whole.

Your music, still ringing in my ears

"I won't go..."

You were right, you didn't leave.

Instead, it was me.

Happy April Fool's day.

The End

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