and the clock just makes the colors turn to gray

- golden days

i've grown a lot in the last couple years

from a stupid kid 
to a slightly taller stupid kid

and i don't think i'd recognize the person i used to be 
slinking around underneath the guise of "she"
pretty girl pretty words

i'm ugly now and i won't apologize for it 
my appearance stays the same but something dark twists in my gut
creeps angry and greasy, sick and curling, through the bottom rungs of my ribs

my darling, 
i don't miss you. 
not really. 

it was time to let you go 

and i don't think i'd understand you anymore 
even though all you ever craved was for someone to get you 
ironic isn't it that i wouldn't, not now

i've grown at least a little. 
learned to let go of perfection 
of the rigidity of grammar and spelling

it's okay to have some fun with your messages and writing

and i think that with my capital letters slipped away my perfectionism 
the desperate need to please some faceless audience 
i've accepted the looser version of myself 

my younger self would hate me, i think. 
who i've grown to be 

and i'm okay with that.

i don't particularly like them either. 

The End

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