and it twists and turns and it is a four letter word with romantic implications

and maybe
just maybe 

i cry over love 

just a stupid kid who doesn't understand the world 
and yes, denial takes no prisoners with her stolen heart 

but i'm born from generations of failed marriages 

far enough back, 
years upon years ago
enough great-greats that i can no longer name the relation in my family tree,
there was a young man and a young woman 
and they married

and she died
and on her tombstone, it says 
26 years, 4 months, and 24 days

and i cannot fathom 
how much he must have loved her 
to count down to the days how long she lived for

how much do you have to love someone to do that 

and i'll never marry 
because something in me is damaged 
by being surrounded by my family's lost love

how much failure can i be faced with 
until i accept that love just will never be for me?

i don't know.

i just don't know. 

The End

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