and i can't see the sky past the clouds anymore

why does everything hurt 

like this profound ache
i cannot seem to rid from my bones

night terrors on the 17th, 24th, 30th
i remember every day i wake without breath 
and i know i'm not okay 

but sometimes my body becomes traitorous 
tells me you're fine stop making things up  
and i beg for once to know myself better

i'm breaking apart 
like a world
or maybe just a heart 

these words don't come easily anymore, 
don't sprout to my fingertips like too-eager seeds 
killed by the frost the very next day

i want myself back 
the person who yes was confused 

but at least they were whole

and i am not. 
i don't know what sort of beast resides in me these days
but i plead for it to release me

even though i know it is more likely 
that i will be swallowed for a midday meal. 

The End

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