an angry note to an as*holeMature

"you're an asshole

and i hate you"

well i never promised
to be eloquent when i'm
angry, so angry at you

god, i'm going to escape
this goddamn city when i grow up

i'm going to run away from
the cigarette butts, from city smoke
and city pollution and city trains
from the skyscraper that cower from thunder,
from the people who look at me weirdly
as i walk down the street

i'm going to leave you behind
because i'm stronger than you ever were
and you're four years older

go throw yourself into a pit or something
break a leg (quite literally)
a pox on your house!

you thought that just because i'm
depressed and tired and torn-up

how long do you think i've been
breathing like this, a pain in my side?
how long do you think i've been 
dealing with motherfuckers like you?

god, i wish i could punch you.

but i've got blue nailpolish 
and a nice skirt on
and i feel pretty
so i'm not going to waste that

consider yourself warned, my not-friend,
i know where you live, i know you

i know you hate tea
but you still drink black coffee
because you think it makes you look tough

i know that when you were six
you pushed me into traffic
and your parents sent you to a shrink

i know that you have a photographic memory
and you used to recite horror movie scripts
to freak out your calculus teachers

i know that you are far dumber than
you pretend to be because if you pretend
to be smart then people tend to believe you. 

i know that you think i'm ugly
i know that you think i'm an asshole
i know that you think i'm pathetic
i know that you think i'm nothing
i know that you think i'm messed-up

but goddammit, i won't let you tell me as such.

and that's why i'm taking a shower at
12:40 AM because maybe then i can
wash the smell of your shampoo
off of my skin and maybe i can
forget the way you used to laugh
and the fact that you still sleep with
your stuffed elephant and you still snore. 

and maybe this way i can stop
breathing in the way that you used to 
look at me - this conspiratorial grin
with the twitch of your eyebrow
as though we were sharing a secret

i hate mangoes now because when i 
last saw you before you began acting this way
you gave me like three fresh ones
for no apparent reason because
for once in your life you wanted to try
being nice without profit.

i hate you because
i trusted you and my trust
is worth more than my love

so go live in London, England
or something 

go live far away until i can escape
from this godforsaken city
and leave you and everyone else behind

yeah, i'm doing better
but my anger is not unfounded,
i am allowed to lose my temper. 

i hope i left a bruise.

The End

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