AloneMature

Where are you?!

You’ve left me.

Helpless to this greasy void growing inside me.

Slinking its way in deep through the channels within me, like a virus.

You know I can’t fight this alone, oh how I’ve tried, but yet you still left me?

You’re out there fine, dandy, partying it up.

While I need you.

You said you’d be there for me.

You said you cared, but where are you?

Now, now, when I need you most.

And God, I’m so scared.

Petrified.

Like a tiny tear streaked child shaking from the monsters in the closet.

Except the monsters are inside me now. 

Inside this void. 

Where my heart use to be. 

How can I escape?

How can I save myself from myself?

I keep fighting, but what’s the point?

As the calendar rolls on, one awful day to the next.

I just grow more tired.

I'm never going to win.

Can’t seem to.

What’s the point?

It’s seems it’s all in vain, futile, pointless.

All I ever do is mess up.

Mistake after mistake.

I can’t escape.

I’m sick of trying.

I’m done, all my hope has drained away.

I’m stupid.

I’m ugly.

I’m worthless.

You don’t need to hate me. When I already hate myself.

I’m so tired.

So sick of being alive.

Breathing in this dead body. 

And, now to know nobody is really there for me.

You lied.

I’m truly alone in this war I’m losing.

To rescue myself buried beneath the thick roots of pain.

Regret and sorrow.

I've been living in this cavern for so long.

Grasping and ripping at these roots suffocating me.

Fighting to see the light again.

Forgeting how it felt.

On this dead skin I wear every day. 

Every minute, every second, of everyday.

I fear, I’ve truly forgotten the sunlight.

It’s just a distant memory.

A delusion, I still desperately cling to.

Fear that if I ever escaped,

I’d discover I’m blind.

That I’ve lived too long in the abyss.

I don't need you. 

Not anymore. 

I destroyed myself. 

And so I will lift myself. 

The End

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