your pages are not trivial

everybody has a chapter they don't read out loud.

yes, we all have words we trip over
in the telling of our lives

"i couldn't-" she chokes and tries to begin again,
she clears her blocked throat and goes,
"i never called again-" 

but our stories are not always meant 
to be told to a spectator audience
sometimes we are best whispered
in the shrouded darkness of night,
when only the stars and your
even breathing of sleep are there
to witness our spoken sins

 don't always assume we can
pour our experiences on a silver platter
to present to you neat and tidy

because sometimes we trip over syllables,
and you will need to piece together our stories
from fragments we let slip over the years

and if you really love us, we will be worth it,
the wait and patching-together of a rag-like quilt
that holds our memories - lone audio, screenshots,
and everything else we collect like a dragon
with a cheap hoard, laying ourselves down on top
like we are trying to guard something
that is only important to us, 
the solitary soldier.

and if i thought for one moment that we,
the broken and shattered and glue-reminiscent,
we not worth it, then do not listen to me.

you are always worth it.
you always deserve someone
who does not force spiked phrases from your tender lips,
who does not shove false pleasantries down your throat,
who accepts that you are what you are willing to share. 

there is nothing wrong with
skipping chapters, 
nothing wrong with keeping the 
softer, more vulnerable parts of yourself
tucked away so you can hold them
late at night when the air is too cold.

but remember - 
even if you are too scared to show them,
please know that you are beautiful,
no matter how cracked you are.

yes, there will always be a page
that we tear from the book,
but you still have to keep it.

instead of a book burning,
how about we treasure the words.

print or pastel,
they still weigh the same
when it comes time.

just know that you are not your past
and your biography is who you are now. 

i hope that someday
that chapter becomes less painful,
and your mouth can frame them
like the personality-carvers they were.

i hope someday you find the sun,
and it shows you the light on all of
your dark and hidden places.

i hope someday you find the person
who finally deserves you, 
because you are beautiful
and have never been anything but. 

(our asphyxiating chapters
are there because we were
strong enough to survive them)

The End

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