Perhaps you have some notion, by now
what you are holding in your mouth
when you kiss him.
Maybe you hands can feel that burning
just beneath his flesh
but can your eyes open his yet?
Can you throw the gates of his heart open
and stride inside?
If you can…
know that my footprints mar the soft
inner flesh of this boys soul.
If you hold your breath, perhaps
you can imagine me breathing in your stead.
I was in there. Once. Not so long ago.
that you walk upon sacred flesh
Remove your sandals before the burning willow tree
in his courtyard.
Bow to the cords of his veins, pulsing;
perhaps they will pause in their work,
in love of you.
they wore thorns.
The burning tree caught me in its branches
whenever I drew near.
There were walls once; vast, impenetrable, terrible.
Beautiful in a hateful kind of way.
I swore to break them.
And I did.
What you see now
is only the inside of the interior;
it is both hot and cold in there at once;
you will find things in this boy
you never thought could grow
in a human heart.
You will only make it to the center
if you allow yourself to get lost in the tangle.
Pick up the broken glass as you walk.
Sometime long ago a mirror was shattered in there.
Perhaps the boy would like to see himself again
from the inside out.
A hint; his lips reveal less than his eyes do,
though he laughs, a fire can be burning.
His words are never lies
but do not believe them always.
I have touched, briefly, with the tips of my fingers
the center of this boy.
At the end of everything
My soul lifted its wings free
and I flew farther in than I ever thought I’d get
The silence was swift.
The very darkness blinding.
I could see nothing
but I could hear his heart, even then;
strong and resounding, I could hear his breathing.
listen sometime, when you sit beside him
God wrote that rhythm.
Bow to it. Kiss the mighty blows.
I was never meant to make it inside.
my wings broke in the winds.
the marrow was pulled from my bones
and my blood abandoned me.
But the boy told me
that even though I had failed, it was okay
because the moon never touches the earth’s core
but the fact that it stays in orbit
always circling and lighting
So I was enough.
New girl, understand that I
love what I can love.
I broke what I could break
and I went as far as I could.
Now it is your turn.
I am sorry if I
turn my face away from you once too often
but maybe you got too easily
what I killed myself for.
take my blessing.
take this map into brimstone
and quiet mountain snow.
The walls are broken and the gates
are already unlocked and waiting for you.
May your heart be strong
and never leave you, ever.
There are treasures and darknesses waiting
to be unburied
And perhaps my purpose
was to open the doors for you.
turn your back to the moon
and do your best to forget me.
Go with your love.
All that is left
is the inside of the interior.