Advice to the New Girl

Perhaps you have some notion, by now

what you are holding in your mouth

when you kiss him.

Maybe you hands can feel that burning

just beneath his flesh

but can your eyes open his yet?

Can you throw the gates of his heart open

and stride inside?

If you can…

know that my footprints mar the soft

inner flesh of this boys soul.

If you hold your breath, perhaps

you can imagine me breathing in your stead.

I was in there.  Once.  Not so long ago.

 

Remember

that you walk upon sacred flesh

Remove your sandals before the burning willow tree

in his courtyard.

Bow to the cords of his veins, pulsing;

perhaps they will pause in their work,

in love of you.

For me

they wore thorns.

The burning tree caught me in its branches

whenever I drew near.

There were walls once; vast, impenetrable, terrible.

Beautiful in a hateful kind of way.

I swore to break them.

And I did.

 

What you see now

is only the inside of the interior;

it is both hot and cold in there at once;

you will find things in this boy

you never thought could grow

in a human heart.

You will only make it to the center

if you allow yourself to get lost in the tangle.

Pick up the broken glass as you walk.

Sometime long ago a mirror was shattered in there.

Perhaps the boy would like to see himself again

from the inside out.

A hint; his lips reveal less than his eyes do,

though he laughs, a fire can be burning.

His words are never lies

but do not believe them always.

 

I have touched, briefly, with the tips of my fingers

the center of this boy.

At the end of everything

My soul lifted its wings free

and I flew farther in than I ever thought I’d get

into anyone.

The silence was swift.

The very darkness blinding.

I could see nothing

but I could hear his heart, even then;

strong and resounding, I could hear his breathing.

listen sometime, when you sit beside him

very close.

God wrote that rhythm.

Bow to it.  Kiss the mighty blows.

 

I was never meant to make it inside.

my wings broke in the winds.

the marrow was pulled from my bones

and my blood abandoned me.

But the boy told me

that even though I had failed, it was okay

because the moon never touches the earth’s core

but the fact that it stays in orbit

always circling and lighting

is enough.

 

So I was enough.

New girl, understand that I

love what I can love.

I broke what I could break

and I went as far as I could.

Now it is your turn.

I am sorry if I

turn my face away from you once too often

but maybe you got too easily

what I killed myself for.

 

even so

take my blessing.

take this map into brimstone

and quiet mountain snow.

The walls are broken and the gates

are already unlocked and waiting for you.

May your heart be strong

and never leave you, ever.

There are treasures and darknesses waiting

to be unburied

And perhaps my purpose

was to open the doors for you.

turn your back to the moon

and do your best to forget me.

Go with your love.

All that is left

is the inside of the interior.