A Poem to My Ice Queen of a Sister (That I'll Never Show Her)Mature

Dear Sister: I hope you're happy, because that was one thing I never made you.

i would like to say that you gave me hope.

unfortunately, shit like that isn't true
when relating to you.

you tore out my heart,
flung it to the ground and dug
your high-heeled shoes into the ground,
puncturing my 
without a care

you cried
'it's okay to be weird'
but when i nudged a toe out of line,
you slapped my knuckles 
with a stiff ruler,
whacking at the back of my knees
with a vengeance

you were supposed to be
my biggest fan

when i was younger,
i might have even considered sharing my 
writing with you.

but it's too fragile,
too precious of a thing
to be subjected to your cruel whims

i used to try
with an earnest smile,
a desperate attempt to connect
god, i was pathetic

you were my oldest sister,
but a more apt name would be
The Ice Queen

you regarded me with guarded glances,
you shot missiles 
at your own sibling

i tried
so fucking hard to please you

had nightmares
of you finding my lifeblood
(my poetry, my anything)
and stamping a great big red 'F' on it,
because your rejection stung

and you continued to fail me
i sought advice, and you gave me none,
i sought comfort, and you gave me none,
i sought honest opinion, and you gave me scorn,
i sought sisterhood, and you gave me nothing.

and you know what?
i'm done.

you act like the fact
that i'm icy towards you
is a stupid thing to do,
but you're not worth it anymore

i'm not such an idiot
to not realize
that our 'sibling love' 
was destructive

it was admiration on my part
and hatred on your part

but i've

you said the other day,
"I started trying when you stopped."

but i've already

and fuck me sideways
if i'm going to try again.

The End

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