A Note To My Parents

Dear Mom and Dad,

      Tomorrow, May 20, 2012, I'll be 24 years of age and I am blessed to say that you have made a strong and intelligent man. You have instill in me, many values that cannot be duplicated or destroyed. You have sat down with me and tried your best to raise a son that will follow the teachings of the Lord, Jesus Christ but also have a ear for vibrant music and an eye for amazing talent. I am blessed to be the fruit of your loins. 

       You have raised me to stand up for myself and never accept defeat. You've also taught me that there is always a prize at the end of the finish line. I am so grateful for all the money and time that you have taken out of your lives to raise me and my two other siblings. You have sacrificed your lives, time and space to make things comfortable for me and my siblings that somehow in college, I started to disappoint you like a way I wouldn't fit imaginable.

        I thought the whole "fork in the road" speech was the perfect moment to start my new life as a fully grown adult but I was sadly mistaken. I realized that I didn't have to agree with your understandings and your way of life but I could find my own. Not saying your way is not ideal, but just not the path I wanted to take. We started to have a lot more arguments as I started to rebel. Because I wanted to be adult and make my own decisions. But yes I do blame you for applying your thumb on me and pressuring me into situations where I didn't want to be. So to keep you happy, I started to live a double life. One life in front of you, and one life behind your back. One life consisted of a christian boy majoring in social work to save the world some day, one person at a time and the other life was sleeping and being with people that could protect me. That ended up with experiencing a form of rape, domestic violence and other painful experiences but anything was better because I had the control. I was experiencing life.

From your standpoint, I was now experiencing the world and should have be countering it with the word of God but I wasn't to your standard. After my junior year, you saw me in a down spiral because you started to crack down on me, exposing that my double life was indeed a lie and I wasn't hitting your expectations of me. I started to become aggressive yet dramatic. I was assertive and somewhat indecisive. I started to party more and rebel against you more. I stopped going to church and it seemed every word that came out of your mouth, went into my ear and went out the other. True, it was. At that time of my life, I was in the most control of my life and I loved it. I had an ideal friendships that I wanted. I joined and experience the brotherhood that I wanted, with my new addition to my fraternity.  And I was dating a man that was proud of me for being me. Oh yeah, I could never tell you because that was the ultimate sin in my household. The door was opened on that subject long before you ever found out. I started having those emotions when I was just a little 4 year old playing with my "best friend" Tyrone back in the 90's. So when you found me browsing over the gay section in Borders or found me looking up males in the library when I was little, the door to being an homosexual was already open.

It's funny that we just argued about that a few weeks ago. I think after 6 successful gay relationships and you meeting atleast 3 of them (undercover of course) you would think, you would have an idea. But as the years go on, and the last days approach, I started to become more and more open with you, sharing my experiences, so that we can have that epic relationship that we once had. But instead, you used those experiences as punishment and to continue to control the boy you used to have.

Today is my last day of being 23, and I have experienced a lot of experiences this year. I graduated college, with my social work career and I've made at least 6 great friends that I feel will always be there.  I wanted to be at an understanding with you. I want you guys to know that I love you, but the couple of months have been hell for me, trying to control me again. I felt an anger and hatred like no other today. I wanted to destroy something. You keep taking my freedoms away from me. I never felt the hatred pump through my veins.  It is time for me to start a new chapter without you in my life.

I love the Lord but I'm honestly finished with you. You should understand everything, with all I have to say but know this: all that you have done to me, sooner or later I will do to you. And you are receiving this letter, as a result to me having exited your house.  This may be dramatic, but it's how I am. I am going to go live  a happy, and gay lifestyle and still be in the word of God. I'm going to give life for me again. I would rather live in the streets than live underneath you again. I hope I never feel pure hatred again. I hope you understand and truly understand me now. I still love you though and with pray for your understanding. God Bless!

Forever Yourz

Your son, Demetreus.

The End

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