A new mourning

Both my grandfathers died within a few months of each other, I don't really handle death well so I wrote a poem for them.

Mourning changes with each new day,

A new beam of rising hope flicks across my vision

Before the clouds pass over and block out its light.

 

The cold claws of guilt bite into my skin

As I begin to realise that I do not mourn for you.

I mourn for time and its relentless bid

To tick, tock, tormenting tears.

 

I mourn for the time

That could’ve been,

Should’ve been –

But wasn’t.

 

As the tears pass down

Through familiar paths,

Their salt blinds, burns

And yet comforts through the pain

 

I did not know you,

I remember you just barely

And yet the slight knowledge I have is what stings with darkest poison,

For I shall never know you again.

 

You are gone

And I will never know you

In the days that weren’t,

For they have vanished.

 

I won’t ever again,

Cough as you smoke one cigarette after another.

I won’t ever again,

Politely refuse your offer of tea.

 

I shall never again,

Leave your door

With the bitter-sweet thought that:

Maybe next time we’ll bond better…

 

And perpetually, guilt’s claws maul me

As I realise that the pedantic pendulum swings on with its bitter tick tock.

The clock face grim with determination

As its hands crawl relentlessly onwards.

 

The timer is set and ticks away above the sweating brow of all.

Each of us fighting to go forward,

Each of us blind to the best before date

That has been set in stone beside our names.

 

As I think of you,

I hear the ticking.

I fear for whose clock stops next.

The eyes of Time unforgiving in their watch

 

Every morning there is a different mourning

As time ticks slowly on.

Every moment lingers for just that moment

And then passes until all are gone.

The End

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