There was a young man from Cork

who was stabbed in the knee with a fork

he pulled it right out

and his knee filled with gout

ohh that silly young man from Cork!

There once was a maiden from Liss

who tempted young men with a kiss

then she'd run right away

whilst they searched night and day

oh that young sporting lady from Liss!

there once was a man from Kiltyre

who thought it was time to retire

so he bought a nice house

complete with a mouse

oh that lucky old man from Kiltyre!

There was a young lad in the Army

who's wife said was totally barmy

he went home on leave

a good whack he recieved

as his wife thought he'd been far too smarmy

There once was a boy from New York

who drew out a map in some chalk

he said  here's where it ends

right next to the bends

oh that artistic young boy from New York!

There once was a maiden from Shaw

who hid handcuffs and chains in her draw

when questioned in court

she gave a great snort

and ran out with her jeans filled with straw

There once was a man from Rochdale,

who ventured outside in some hail

he turned black and blue

and got hit with the flue

ohh that silly old man from Rochdale!

There once was a fish in a boat

who said "Hey I think I'm afloat!"

It swam round and round

scared it'd drowned

ohh that silly old fish in a boat! 

there once was a doctor in China

who's patients described as a whiner

he'd look up and down

then sit back and frown

oh that judgemental doctor from China!

The End

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